Okay I think these are the only posts that I had lost when I restored the website.
I still had these copies in my email archives.
I believe they were originally posted on July 10th.
1: ‘RATHER REMARKABLE OBITUARY’
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense!
Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to “come in out of the rain”, why the “early bird gets the worm” and that “life isn’t always fair”. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. (ie: Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition).
Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion!
Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims!
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge financial settlement!
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on; if not, join the majority and do nothing.
2: ‘OOOPPPSSSIEEE DOOOPPPSSSIEEE!!!!!!!!!!!’
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:
“God bless Mummy,
God bless Daddy,
God bless Grandma
and good-bye Grandpa.”
The father asked, “Why did you say good-bye
grandpa?”
The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.”
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like
this:
“God bless Mummy,
God Bless Daddy
and good-bye Grandma.”
The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
“God bless
Mummy and good-bye Daddy.”
He practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said “I’ve never seen you work so late, what’s the matter?”
He said, “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”
She said, “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch.”
3: ‘Jay Leno Quote’
Everyone might not be a Jay Leno fan, but I think this quote pretty much
Hits the nail on the head. The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding,
Severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and
With the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, “Are we sure this is
A good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?”
