Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been
causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type
of behavior and are considering banninng your entire family from shopping
in any of our stores.
We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your
husband has caused.
All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and
are listed below.
Mr. Wally Zimbrowski,
Wal-Mart Complaint Department
MEMO
Re: Mr. Bill Fenton – Complaints – 15 Things Mr. Fenton has done while
his spouse was shopping:
.
. July 2 – Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
. July 7 – Made a trail of pineapple juice on the floor leading to
the restrooms.
. July 19 – Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
tone, “Code 3 in housewares”….. and watched what happened.
. August 4 – Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of
M&M’s on lay-away.
. September 14 – Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted
area.
. September 15 – Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’d bring pillows from the bedding
department.
September 23 – When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins
to cry and asks “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
. October 4 – Looked right into the security camera, used it as a
mirror, and picked his nose!
1. November 10 – While handling guns in the hunting department, asked
the clerk if he knew where the antidepressants were.
. December 3 – Darted suspiciously around the store, loudly humming
the “Mission Impossible” theme.
. December 6 – In the auto department, practiced his “Madonna look”
using different size funnels.
. December 18 – Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled “PICK ME, PICK ME!”
. December 21 – When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed the fetal position and screamed “NO, NO, It’s those voices
again!!!!”
(And; last, but not least!)
. December 23 – Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a
while, then yelled, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”
